“My advice is to write during commercial breaks, and read while your favorite TV show is on mute.”

“My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d recommend wearing flip flops.”

“The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isn’t going to rise up against capitalism and consumerism. The only time they’ll rise up is during a commercial break to either go to the bathroom or grab more beer.
”

“You can’t believe every word you read while watching TV. (Even with closed captioning turned off).”

“The radio signal was scrambled, and so were my eggs. I got tired of eating commercial breaks for breakfast.”

“I don’t think I’d come off well on TV. But if you ever see me on, my advice is to add more bleach and keep scrubbing the screen.”

“I wish there were a vending machine that served cats. Not to eat, but to pet during my work break.”