“No bears were molested in the making of this book. Well, no live bears.”

“I saw a white toilet, with no plumbing, alone in a field of snow. Well, almost alone. There were two naked albinos and a polar bear sitting on it, and I felt inspired to write a love poem.”

“I’ll dine on apple flesh and cinnamon, while feeding you one line after another. Some lines will have salmon hooked on at the end. Then we’ll make love like two bears who’ve just discovered honey.”

“When I think about all the thinking I’ve done, I get sleepy, like a coffee-colored bear.”

“I come bearing gifts in the form of junk food. You’re welcome. I would have brought some drugs, but I’m not a doctor.”

“Good things come to those who ate. And I’m stuffed. Like a teddy bear. That might be why I’m the World Cuddling Champion.”

“I think Gummy Bears should be the universal symbol for peace, because peace leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to decadence, and decadence leads to diabetes.”