“Not getting laid can be a crippling experience, but then I don't go looking for sex along the interstate.”

“Can I park my horse in the handicapped parking space? It is gimpy and sort of crippled.”

“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll always be thinking of you.”

“I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.”

“I'm really going to freak out if I don't get into Histrionics 101. And if I get in, I'll also freak out.”

“Watching two cows have sex is the most magical experience at Cereal Land.”

“I don't want to be tied down in a relationship, I want to be tied down during sex.”