“On my desk are two things: an unfinished research paper due tomorrow, and a goat, and I don't feel like doing either of them.”

“I often feel like a camel in the mountains, and a goat in the desert. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“Three Guys and a Goat is not a good name for a bed and breakfast. I know, because my two partners overruled my name suggestion.”

“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.”

“I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.”

“I drink coffee like goats walk on tightropes. It’s fun to watch, but it sure would be easier if this monkey dressed like a cowboy would get off my back.”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”