“One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.”

“I may give up on life one day, but that doesn’t mean my clones will just roll over and die. There are just too many people who need my help, people willing to pay for my services.”

“I feel self-conscious calling my cat fat in front of a fat person, considering I’m skinny and inconsiderate.”

“Forget food for thought. Give me food for my belly.”

“I am submitting two pieces to be excluded in your show. Thank you for your inconsideration.”

“At the end of the first date, I got my courage up and I made a move. One U-Haul van and 1,500 miles later, I regretted my boldness.”

“I once met a man who couldn't think outside of the box. So one day, while he was thinking, I taped the box shut and mailed him to Maine. UPS reported that the box was missing, so I guess he's still lost in thought.”