“Personally, I’ve been here since 1982, and I’d say it’s about time for breakfast.”

“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget that date.
”

“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”

“My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt like I was cheating on one person with the same person. 
”

“The earliest I’ve ever been late is on time.”

“If I were a magician, I’d hand out broken compasses. It’s all about misdirection.
”

“My love is like a crumbly cookie. It’s very hard to give all of it to just one person. Try as I might to give it all to just one woman, crumbs break off here and there in meaningless crushes and kisses and—but what am I saying? Baby, you know you’re the only one I’ve given my cookie to. Can I get you a tall glass of milk?”