“Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball.”

“A ball is a great place to dance, or a great thing to dribble. A ball is also a great thing to scratch when it's itchy and sweaty.”

“I used to live with someone of the opposite sex. It’s called a sister, and I don’t have one.”

“It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with food. Needless to say the church has ordered him to cease bringing his own food to the potlucks.”

“In LaLa Land, there is only one kind of sex that's logical. In a made-up land, such as LaLa Land, the citizens are forever engaging in make-up sex.”

“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”

“It’s been said that the most successful people are often early risers. So that’s why I started getting up in the afternoon, which is well before any “successful” person even thinks of going to bed.”