“The best part about having children is being able to point at them and proudly proclaim, "Hey, I made those.”

“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?”

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.”

“The best thing about dating a deaf woman with no nose is being able to fart in bed and have her not know. Well, that is unless Edmond tells her, but I don't think he will.”

“The best part about having kids is not actually having to have kids. Thank you, women.”

“The best part about a rear naked choke, is the naked part.”

“When I didn’t know him I punched him in the face. The best part about him is his nose.”