“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the answers, and then pose nude while the people make statues out of you in veneration.”

“I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one.”

“I’m an anti model. I’m not posing, I’m imposing.”

“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I know I’d show up, and not my clone posing as me?”

“When I'm in yoga class, and I'm in the Tree Pose, I always pretend I'm the Tree of Knowledge. To help further the fantasy I come to class with my yoga shorts stuffed with two apples.”

“Politicians are people with easy answers for hard problems.”

“What has four wooden legs and hangs out in a bar? If you answered a barstool, you’ve apparently never partied with a pack of pirates.”