“The great news is I drive like a woman. The bad news is that it’s only when I’m wearing a dress.”

“The news media are, for the most part, the bringers of bad news… and it’s not entirely the media’s fault, bad news gets higher ratings and sells more papers than good news.”

“Great news for someone is always bad news for someone else”

“I have good news and bad news. The good news is there is life (of a kind) after this life. The bad news is that Jean-Claude Villeneuve is a necrophiliac.”

“It is much, much worse to receive bad news through the written word than by somebody simply telling you, and I’m sure you understand why. When somebody simply tells you bad news, you hear it once, and that’s the end of it. But when bad news is written down, whether in a letter or a newspaper or on your arm in felt tip pen, each time you read it, you feel as if you are receiving the bad news again and again.”

“Overachievers, here's some good and some bad news. The good news is, that you're smart, special, and you're raising the bar. The bad news is: very few people will like you.”