“The idea of a belt holding my pants up seems so 20th century. Imagine a world where your pants are held high by your self-esteem. But it’s a silly notion, really, because in a world such as that, nobody would even wear pants.
”

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you don’t wear. I don’t wear pants, for instance, and while you’re pondering that, take a moment to gaze at my penis.”

“It’s sad when people want to wear out a perfectly good last name when they don’t have any other pants. Idea for a pen name: Johnny Nudity.”

“I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.”

“I like to hike in state parks, but one thing I can’t stand is pants. So I don’t wear any. My wallet is tube shaped. Can you guess where I keep it?”

“A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants
”

“My sheep pants don’t make me one of them. However, 37 Brantleys made an appeal on my behalf, but I still have to take off my pants.”