“There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars.
”

“About money-grubbing women, here’s my stance: Bring on the gold diggers. I’ve got nothing to offer but pyrite.”

“The dollar isn’t worth its weight in gold, and the pound isn’t worth its weight in ounces.”

“The road to hell isn't paved with gold, it's paved with faith. Faith in a dollar that's backed by a belief that people have faith in other people's belief in it.”

“I like to schedule dentist appointments for March 32, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day.”

“The best place to hide gold coins is in a treasure chest filled with those circular chocolates that are coin-sized and wrapped in gold foil. That’ll foil any thief.”

“Bricks, bricks, and bricks could be given away at the Olympics, instead of gold, silver, and bronze medals. If all a champion wants is to win, then I’ll take all that unnecessary gold and silver off the international community’s hands. 
”