“To be gentle you have to be patient.”

“Love is patient and love is kind. Damn! Why’d it have to be the two qualities I wasn’t born with?”

“Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.”

“I have a rough marriage. It feels like sandpaper, only not as soft and gentle on the anus.”

“I’m not gentlemanly. When I’m gentle, I’m not manly, and when I’m manly, I’m not gentle.”

“With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.”

“I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.”