“To Do Today, 1/17/081. Sit and think2. Reach enlightenment3. Feed the cats”

“18 rules for not getting caught. 1-17: don’t tell anybody. #18: not even your clone.”

“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.”

“Cats are magicians. They can make my erections disappear. All they have to do is jump in my lap while I’m masturbating. Damn! This is the second time today I’ve had to pause Golden Girls!”

“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found, contact Mouth,” and I left my phone number. Nobody’s called. Perhaps the neighborhood cat lady took it in and is petting it on her lap at this very moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”

“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with a cat on my lap sitting in the dark. 
”

“I put the “cat” in category. And not only do I put it there, but I pet it too.”