“To me, impulsive means foolish. But if a person’s not a little impulsive, they don’t have a pulse.”

“I have nothing, so I think having something would mean everything to me. But I don’t want to get to the point where I have everything, so having something would mean nothing to me.”

“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like this to me: “You may be ugly, son, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be rich. In fact, it kind of means you have to be rich. At least if you don’t want to be asexual and alone your whole life.”

“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.”

“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.”

“A person’s favorite word is brother, because he or she can relate to it. I love it because we value most in life the things we do not have.”

“The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot.”