“When I didn’t know him I punched him in the face. The best part about him is his nose.”

“I didn’t hear what was said, but I laughed, because I was too embarrassed to embarrass him by breaking up his punch line and laughter by asking him to repeat it.”

“I punched him 14 times in the face, and he didn’t even try to hit me back. He wasn’t a pacifist, but he was already as dead as a slab of meat.”

“He was an introverted kid, so I didn’t send him to his room as punishment. No, I took him to a party.”

“I met a man named Birthday. I didn’t tell him when I was born, because I thought that that one day in my life, a day I don’t even remember, might define his own identity, and I didn’t want to make him cry.”

“We didn’t know each other, but that didn’t stop me from ignoring him.”

“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think Willie Nelson). I decided to call him Cap’n because his markings make him look like a pirate. The majority of his face is white, except over his left eye is a black patch of fur, like an eye patch, and under his chin he has black hair that’s long and comes to a point like a goatee. Also, when I got him he had a parrot on his shoulder and a wooden leg.”