“The reason men rule is because women let them.”

“The reason producers make stupid movies is because there are stupid people who will pay to see them.”

“There are certain rules to be observed when writing about our parents. We can only describe them as transparent figures with golden haloes, smiling down at us from heaven, large flag billowing in the breeze optional, just before the end credits roll.”

“People will hate you for no apparent reason.”

“People who read books in public places are regarded with suspicion because they appear self-sufficient. When you seem self-sufficient, other people think that you think you're better than them, and they get resentful.”

“We read because we are essentially alone.”

“If you're on a plane and the person in front of you starts slowly tilting to one side, it means he's letting out a fart. Take cover!”