“Bring it, Darth Bathrobe!”

Jim Butcher

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“Are you serious? What the hell does a stunt double do in a porno flick?"Jake waved a hand vaguely toward his belt. "Extreme close-ups.""Uh. What?""Historically speaking, it doesn't happen often. Especially what with Viagra now. But it isn't unknown for a director to bring in a double for the close of a scene, if the actor is having trouble finishing."I blinked. "He thought I was a stunt penis?"Jake laughed at my reaction. "Man. You are new.”


“Why?" I demanded of her. "Why bring the child into this? Why not just come straight to me?""Does it matter at this point?"I shrugged. "Not really. I'm curious."She stared at me for a moment and then she smiled. "You don't know."I eyed her warily. "Don't know what?""Dear boy," she said. "This was never about you."I scowled. "I don't understand.""Obviously," Arianna said, and gave me a stunning smile. "Die confused.”


“Like I said, magic comes from life, and especially from emotions. They're a source of the same intangible energy that everyone can feel when an autumn moon rises and fills you with a sudden sense of bone-deep excitement, or when the first warm breeze of spring rushes past your face, full of the scents of life, and drowns you in a sudden flood of unreasoning joy. The passion of mighty music that brings tears to your eyes, and the raw, bubbling, infectious laughter of small children at play, the bellowing power of a stadium full of football fans shouting "Hey!" in time to that damned song—they're all charged with magic.My magic comes from the same places. And maybe from darker places than that. Fear is an emotion, too. So is rage. So is lust. And madness. I'm not a particularly good person. I'm no Charles Manson or anything, but I'm not going to be up for canonization either. Though in the past, I think maybe I was a better person than I am today. In the past I hadn't seen so many people hurt and killed and terrorized by the same kind of power that damn well should have been making the world a nicer place, or at the least staying the hell away from it. I hadn't made so many mistakes back then, so many shortsighted decisions, some of which had cost people their lives. I had been sure of myself. I had been whole.”


“Oh, what would you like on your vegetarian pizza?" "Dead pigs and cows," I said. She glanced up at me and wrinkled her nose. "They're vegetarians," I said defensively.”


“Some things just aren't meant to go together. Things like oil and water. Orange juice and toothpaste.”


“It always shocked me how you could understand so many things and be such a complete idiot about so many others.”