“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”

“Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to go,But still had the feeling that you wanted to stay,You knew it was right, wasn't wrong.Still you knew you wouldn't be very long.Go or stay, stay or go,Start to go again and change your mind again.It's hard to have the feeling that you wanted to go,But still have the feeling that you wanted to stay.Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, si, do.I'll go.I'll stay.”

“Be nice to people on your way up becuase you meet them on your way down”

“I just want to live happily ever after, every now and then.”

“Breathe in, breathe out, move on...”

“There is a novella inside every anus; there is a broken heart inside every mind; there is a bisected hug inside every arm; there is a pun inside every belly. "The Great American Novel," thinks the typographer, who at this point is severely constipated. He tries to squeeze out an 'o' but can't. "The Great American Navel," he says, then waits for a laugh.”

“When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.”