“Crying is almost totally avoidable if you follow two simple rules: 1. Don't care too much. 2. Shut up.”

“Also, I feel that crying is almost--like, aside from deaths of relatives or whatever-- totally avoidable if you follow two very simple rules: 1.Don't care too much. 2. Shut up. Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules.”

“I don't really understand the point of crying. Also, I feel that crying is almost- like, aside from deaths of relatives or whatever- totally avoidable if you follow two very simple rules: 1. Don't care too much. 2. Shut up. Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules.”

“Rule 1: When all else fails, follow instructions. And Rule 2: Don't be an asshole.”

“scapegoat, n.I think our top two are:1. Not enough coffee.2. Too much coffee.”

“Rule #1: Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule #2: It's all small stuff.”