“Children's hospitals are not designed for teenagers.”

“They were angry, I thought. Horrified. These teenagers, with their hormones, making out beneath a video broadcasting the shattered voice of a former father.”

“By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!”

“I find it really offensive when people say that the emotional experiences of teenagers are less real or less important than those of adults.”

“Like, you're never alone here. But also, you're never with people. It's possible this isn't a hospital-specific problem, come to think of it.”

“I bet if you look at the average teenager and the average adult, the average teenager has read more books in the last year than the average adult. Now of course the adult would be all like, 'I'm busy, I got a job, I got stuff to do.' WHATEVER! READ! I mean, you're watching CSI: Miami. Why would you be watching CSI: Miami, when you could be READING CSI: Miami, the novelization?”

“Me: "If you want me to be a teenager, don't send me to Support Group. Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs, drink vodka, and take pot."Mom: "You don't take pot, for starters."Me: "See, that's the kind of thing I'd know if you got me a fake ID.”