“COCK-A-DOODLE DOO! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT FROMO THE OTHER END, YOU LITTLE FUGGER?" "Kafir, I can say it with confidence: Today is a day that no pigs will die. I'm not even allowed to eat the motherfuggers; I'm sure not going to kill one." "Amen," Colin answered.”

“Cock-a-doodle-doo, the cow says moo.”

“I was going to kill myself today. I'm not sure what the reason was, or even if I want to tell you anyway. I know that you probably dont care, even if I explained the problem, so I will just tell you how I failed. That should make you happy since you like to believe that I'm a failure.”

“Do you want a cookie?- What?- A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one?- No.- How can you not want a cookie?- I just don't.- Okay, fine,let's say you did want a cookie. Let's say you were dying for a cookie, and there were cookies in the cupboard. What would you do?- I'd eat a cookie?- Exactly. That's all I'm saying.- What are you saying?- That if people want cookies, they should get a cookie. It's what people do.- Let me guess. Dad won't let you have acookie?- No. Even though I'm practically starving to death, he won't even consider it. He says I have to have a sandwich first.- And you don't think that's fair.- You just said you'd get a cookie if you wanted one. So why can't I? I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions.- Hmm. I can see why this bothers you somuch.- It's not fair. If he wants a cookie, he can have one. If you want a cookie,you can have one. But if I want a cookie, the rules don't count. Like yousaid, it's not fair.- So what are you going to do?- I'm going to eat a sandwich. Because I have to. Because the world isn't fairto ten-year-olds.”

“[We say things like] 'Well, I'm not sure You are worth it....You see, I really like my car, or my little sin habit, or my money, and I'm really not sure I want to give them up, even if it means I get You'.”

“I would like to apologize to the relatives of the fan who gave me 29 books to sign in Odyssey 7, Manchester. I'm a little twitchy towards the end of a day of signing and did not mean to kill and eat him.”