“COCK-A-DOODLE DOO! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT FROMO THE OTHER END, YOU LITTLE FUGGER?" "Kafir, I can say it with confidence: Today is a day that no pigs will die. I'm not even allowed to eat the motherfuggers; I'm sure not going to kill one." "Amen," Colin answered.”

“Colin: I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.Hassan: Sometimes the kafir likes to say massively obvious things in a really profound voice.”

“From the front Rdar announces, "Don't you go talking bad about GoFast bars. Do you want me to stop this car?""Whenever I eat a GoFast bar," Ben says, "I'm always like, 'So this is what blood tastes like to mosquitoes.”

“It pains me to say this, Colin, but if you wish to continue to grow intellectually, you need to work harder right now than you ever have before. Otherwise you, you risk wasting your potential." "Technically," Colin answered, "I think I might have already wasted it.”

“Oh my God I'm going to kill you!' But she was laughing.”

“Best day of my life hasn't happened yet. But I know it. I see it every day. The best day of my life is the day I buy my mom a huge fucking house. And not just like out in the woods, but in the middle of Mountain Brook, with all the Weekday Warriors' parents. With all y'all's parents. And I'm not buying it with a mortgage either. I'm buying it with cash money, and I am driving my mom there, and I'm going to open her side of the car door and she'll getout and look at this house—this house is like picket fence and two stories and everything, you know—and I'm going to hand her the keys to her house and I'll say, 'Thanks.' Man, she helped fill out my application to this place. And she let me come here, and that's no easy thing when you come from where we do, to let your son go away to school. So that's the best day of my life.”

“To be fair to Monica," I said, "what you did to her wasn't very nice either.""What'd I do to her?" he asked, defensive."You know, going blind and everything.""But that's not my fault," Isaac said."I'm not saying it was your fault. I'm saying it wasn't nice.”