“I may sound a little blasphemous here, but I tell you... understanding God's will is like reading a first-year primer compared to guessing the minds of women.”

“Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know:1) Women have feelings.2) You will spend the next seventy years or so trying to guess what they're feeling and why.3) You will be wrong most of the time.4) I like French Fries.”

“...I wondered if it was blasphemous to tell God that rainbows are kitsch.”

“Though that's faulty logic because I did cry during Gandalf's death when I read Lord of the Rings for the first time, which is said to be comparable for boys to Beth's death in Little Women for girls.”

“Then may I tell you that the very next words I read were these – ‘Chloe liked Olivia…’ Do not start. Do not blush. Let us admit in the privacy of our own society that these things sometimes happen. Sometimes women do like women.”

“Science tells me God must exist. My mind tells me I will never understand God. And my heart tells me I am not meant to.”