“I'm a bartender. I like recipes. They're concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred?”

“Gah, some chicks should be shot. Put out of everyone else's reproduction pool.”

“That's why I'm still a virgin, because it means something to me and I'm not going to toss my virginity at your charming feet just because you're the most gorgeous, fascinating man I've ever met and I happen to like your last name.”

“Dude, got eyes? I'm collecting evidence." [...] "In Ziploc bags.""I think they're Glad.""They look impartial to me.”

“He is so beautiful that he makes a part of my soul weep. I don't understand those tears. They aren't like the ones I cry for Alina. They aren't made of water and salt. I think they're made of blood.”

“I have no desire to sleep with you. I want to fuck you. And there is no such thing as perfectly good sex.  If it’s “perfectly good,” I mock in falsetto, “he should be shot in the head and put out of everyone’s misery. Sex either blows your fucking mind, or it’s not good enough. You want me to blow your fucking mind, Ms. Lane? Come on.  Do it.  Be a big girl.”

“You will hold me and we will live. Dance. Fuck. Feast. It will be grand. We will K'Vruck the world." "I'm not holding you. Ever." "You were made for me. I for you. Two for tea and t-t-tea for two.”