“I'm a woman; in so many ways I've been programmed to please. I took the job and spent time hunkered over figures, budgets, charts, and fiscal-year projections. I tried, but I hated it."Working at a job you don't like is the same as going to prison every day," my father used to say. He was right. I felt imprisoned by an impressive title, travel, perks, and a good salary. On the inside, I was miserable and lonely, and I felt as if I was losing myself. I spent weekends working on reports no one read, and I gave presentations that I didn't care about. It made me feel like a sellout and, worse, a fraud.Now set free, like any inmate I had to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.”
“Working at a job you don't like is the same as going to prison every day," my father used to say.”
“Each day at my job felt like one day closer to death; go to work, come home, watch TV, one whole day lost and gone forever. When I traveled, no time felt wasted. I was alert and active. I was switched on. I felt like I’d been living in a cage and I’d only just learned there was no lock on the door. I could just walk outside and do as I pleased. I didn’t want to get back in.”
“You said we've got a new page. I figure I've got some say in what gets written on it. So I'm going to work on you. Last time around, you threw yourself at me.” “I did no such thing.”“Sure you did. But I can see I've got my work cut out for me this time. That's okay.” He skimmed his thumb over her knuckles before she jerked her hand free. “In fact, I think I'm going to enjoy it.”“I don't know why I waste my time trying to mend fences with you. You're as arrogant as you ever were.”“Just the way you like me, sweetheart.”
“Well, I need a job. Something that'll leave me the free time I want.""I like the way you arrange your life. What do you intend to do with this free time?""I intend to use it." I didn't like the implication of this. Why should he need his time free and I be questioned?”
“I wondered what my father had looked like that day, how he had felt, marrying the lively and beautiful girl who was my mother. I wondered what his life was like now. Did he ever think of us? I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't; I didn't know him well enough. Instead, I wondered about him occasionally, with a confused kind of longing. There was a place inside me carved out for him; I didn't want it to be there, but it was. Once, at the hardware store, Brooks had shown me how to use a drill. I'd made a tiny hole that went deep. The place for my father was like that.”