“Myth: Vampires eat only raw meat or drink blood.Truth: Why would we do that when there's chocolate in the world?”

“…We were born vampires.""I thought you became –""— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now what is it you eat? Oh yes, chocolate… you don’t want to turn it into another Agnes Nitt, do you? Less chocolate to go around."He sighed. "Oh dear, superstition, superstition everywhere we turn.”

“If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.”

“Myth: Vampires don't eat. Truth: Try telling that to my uncle Mortey. ”

“Also, vampires don't eat food. You never get to eat chocolate again. Ever. I'd rather die.”

“Animals shouldn't eat gumdrops! They shouldn't drink tea or chocolate milk, either.”