“Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle.”

“Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not ever realizing it because they involve a ball.”

“Q: What do Jesus and Nicole Brown Simpson have in common? A: They were both killed by the Joooooooose.”

“Can I? Yeah. You bet I can. There's a million things in this world can't do. Couldn't hit a curve ball, even back in high school. Can't fix a leaky faucet. Can't roller-skate or make an F-chord on the guitar that sounds like anything but shit. I have tried twice to be married and couldn't do it either time. But if you want me to take you away, to scare you or involve you or make you cry or grin, yeah. I can. I can bring it to you and keep bringing it until you holler uncle. I am able. I CAN.”

“The more people are involved in a given task, the more potential agreements need to be negotiated to do anything, and the greater the transaction costs.”

“Golf baffles me. They says it’s a sport, and I have to take their word for it, but anything that involves having fun while standing up doesn’t interest me. That includes dancing. NASCAR I can understand. In fact, anything that involves sitting down automatically has my interest...”