“Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.”

“If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'.”

“You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.”

“Tea should be as bitter as wormwod and as sharp as a two eged swordKit Snicket (a series of unfortunate events)”

“Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.”

“Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.”

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”