“Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.”

“Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?"Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away.”

“I am looking at you and you are looking at me. This is very good. I am looking and I am liking. You are looking and you are thinking, 'I hope she doesn't hit me with her crop.' But that is because I am me and you are you.”

“Anyway, then it said on the news, 'And tonight the Prime Minister has just got to Number Ten.'I looked down at Jas and said, 'Ooer.' Meaning he'd got to number ten on the snogging scale. And then we both laughed like loons.Vati just looked at us like we were mad.”

“Look, girls and boys are different. Girls like to be touched twenty times a day in a nonsexual way to feel good about themselves - that is why I tickle you and link arms with you - but boys think about sex, snogging and football, and also snogging whilst playing football. Simple.”

“Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting) Libby let off the smelliest, loudest fart known to humanity. It came out of her bum-oley with such force that she lifted off my knee - like a hovercraft. Even she looked surprised by what had come out of her.”

“Look, I can't go out with you, because...because...because I'm a lesbian.”