“Some stupid fairy tale charecter. Like a cheap plastic toy you'd get get by sending in the top of a lucky charms box plus $3.99 shipping and handling.”

“You'd never get tired of a pony. It's a classic. It's, like, the Chanel jacket of toys.”

“Fairy tales were stupid. And dangerous.”

“And in what fairy tale would John ever be any sane person's idea of Prince Charming anyway? He was the opposite of charming. More like Prince Terrifying.”

“Lucky Charms are like the vampires of breakfast cereal. They're magical, they're delicious, they're a little bit dangerous and bad for you. They initially make you feel great, but then over time you realize that maybe your relationship with Lucky Charms is just a little bit unhealthy and you start to think, 'Maybe I don't want to be in a long-term relationship with a breakfast cereal that tastes delicious but damages my health.' But then the Lucky Charms gets all stalker on you and for some reason you kind of like that. It makes you feel special. So yeah, you spend your life with Lucky Charms. That's awesome. That's a great way to... get diabetes.”

“I would like an extra tight vagina, in a to-go box please. Can I get it with extra gravy on top?”