“Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger didn't agree!”

“Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget.”

“[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.”

“I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth."Homer Simpson”

“I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?”

“Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon."Lisa Simpson”

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”