“As if I would EVER give birth. I suppose a well-mannered little six-year-old would be all right, but they simply don’t COME that way. You have to TRAIN them. Too tiresome. I can understand your anguish.”

“I mean it. Like, people always talk about how God doesn’t ever give you more than you can handle, but I’m telling you right now, I cannot handle this. This is just too much!”

“If it weren't for me inviting Meena Harper over for dinner that night, the two of you would never have met, and this whole horrible mess would never have happened..."She paused dramatically, as if waiting for someone to jump in and say, Oh no, Mary Lou. None of this was you fault."But," Mary Lou went on, a little less self-confidently, "if I hadnt then you, Lucien, would just have gone on through eternity never knowing what true love is. And then how would you have felt?""Considerably better than I've felt over the course of the past six months, I imagine," he replied.”

“I hope they know how lucky they are to have you. But that doesn't mean I will ever stop trying to have you for myself. You know as well as I do, Meena, that we belong together. I hope that day will come sometime soon. In the meantime: truce. With all the love in my heart, Lucien”

“Didn't you," he asked, "have meexorcised?""Me?" My own voice rocketed up about ten octaves. "Me? Jesse, of course not. I would never do that. I mean, you know I would never do something like that. That kid Jack did it. Your girlfriend Maria made him do it. She was trying to get rid of you. She told Jack you were bothering me, and he didn't know any better, so he exorcised you, and then Felix Diego threw me off the porch roof, and Jesse, they found your body, I mean your bones, and I saw them and I threw up all over the side of the house, and Spike really misses you and I was just thinking, you know, if you wanted to come back, you could, because that's why I've got this rope, so we can find our way back.”

“Dear Mia,What can I say? I don't know all that much about romance novels, but I think you must be the Stephen King of the genre. Your book is hot. Thanks for letting me read it. Anyone who doesn't want to publish it is a fool.Anyway, since I know it's your birthday, and I also know you never remember to back anything up, here's a little something I made for you. It would be a shame if Ransom My Heart got lost before it ever saw the light of day because your hard drive crashed. See you tonight.Love,Michael”

“Cal: “I’m not presuming. I know exactly what you think about me. You think I’m an anal-retentive Armrest Nazi . . . an arrogant Modelizer. You can’t stand the way I talk, any of the subjects I choose to talk about, the imperious manner I order food in restaurants or tell cab drivers how much we owe them. You find my taste in women odious, the fact that I don’t own a television an unforgivable sin, and the fact that I would choose to write a book about Saudi Arabia completely unfathomable. And you’re also totally in love with me. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have pushed me into the pool earlier today when you saw Grazi walk in.”Every Boy's Got One”