“god i just broke so many new year's resolutions.”

“Whoa. If high school was suppose to be the best years of my life - at least so far - I was truly destined to have a sucky adulthood.”

“I didn’t know what I was supposed to say about that, so I just said, "Wow”

“but all I could think was in New York that kid would have been stuck in a straitjacket practically from birth and dangled over a tank full of Educational Consultants and Remedial Experts all snapping at his ankles for the next twenty years arguing about his Special Needs and getting paid plenty for it.”

“I mean it. Like, people always talk about how God doesn’t ever give you more than you can handle, but I’m telling you right now, I cannot handle this. This is just too much!”

“I thought about telling him the truth: 'Oh, nothing. Just having my soul exorcised so I can roam aroundpurgatory, looking for the ghost of the dead cowboy who used to live in my bedroom.”

“Have you tried this shrimp? It's freaking amazing.Would you get away from me? I hate you.You're so moody. Just because I kidnapped you and tried to force you to be my girlfriend. I thought you would be over that by now.”