“Am I the only creature with a vagina who thinks that weddings are ridiculous? I'm going to elope. Just me, my hubby, and a minister on a beach in Jamaica.”

“I was the only creature with a vagina who would duck if someone ever tried to hand me a baby. I was too selfish to be responsible for someone else's life.”

“Who do you think you are? Who do you think I am? You only love to see me breaking. You only want me 'cause I'm Taken. No, you don't really want my heart, no you just like to know you can. Still be the one that gets it breaking, you only want me when I'm Taken.”

“Did Gran go to a gynecologist? That is totally weird. I never thought about my grandmother's vagina before. I don't want to be thinking about my grandmother's vagina. Not here, at her funeral. In a church. While i'm doing a reading from the Bible.”

“You're on a road show with your penis, and trust me, I'm the last person who wants to get in your way. But I'm telling you, operation occupy-my-vagina is a no-go for the evening.”

“Someday, I'm going to meet some supernatural creature who tells me everything I should know up front and in a forthright manner - but I'm not going to hold my breath.”