“Prince Charming was requesting my presence tonight.”

“After all, what did Prince Charming know about Cinderella besides her shoe size?”

“Because if I have a wicked stepmother and two evil stepsisters, aren't I supposed to get a prince?”

“You were sleeping?" said Princess One."No," I said. "Sometimes I just like to lie in the dark for hours with my eyes closed.”

“Why is it I can spend a dozen Friday nights staring at the peeling walls of my "room" without anyone in the family so much as poking a head down to see if I'm alive, while the one time I actually have plans (major plans, plans that necessitate extraordinary focus and massive preparation), my stepmother suddenly suggests we sing a duet of "Getting to Know You"?”

“...[W]hen I told my dad why I was calling, he just said, 'Honey, you're so beautiful it doesn't matter what you wear.' I wondered how many dads in America were, at that very moment, giving their daughters the same useless advice mine was giving me.”

“I'm sorry, I got you all snotty and wet.”