“The bottom line is: if you were a jerk in your original life, you're probably going to be a bigger undead jerk, If you were a decent person, say a juvenile-services librarian with a secret collection of unicorn figurines, you're probably going to be a kinder, gentler vampire.”

“The Worst part of acting like a jerk isn't when you're doing it. Its when you realize you were.”

“Bottom line: if you're on a beach and the ground starts shaking - and especially if that shaking lasts more than one minute - it's probably a subduction earthquake and there probably will be a tsunami. The shaking is all the warning you're going to get. Head for higher ground immediately and don't wait for any official notification.”

“If you only try to please others, you're going to resent those people you're trying to please; the ones who are often closest to you. If you choose a path that you yourself want to take, then you're going to be much kinder to the people in your life.”

“You are such a jerk! Get back here!""Jerk?" he repeated. " You're the one spying in windows.”

“If somebody’s a jerk and says something nasty, be a bigger jerk and say something kind and walk away.”