“Did you hear that Mitch? Your mom thinks you're beautiful.”

“Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?''You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?”

“The fact that one of these ladies was my mom made me particularly sad because my mom is beautiful. And she’s always on a diet. Sometimes, my dad calls her beautiful, but she cannot hear him.”

“Mom!" Becca stared at her. "You think—you think I'm dating Michael?"Her mom stared back at her, obviously thrown. "You're not?"This would be hilarious if her mom didn't look so serious."Oh my god," cried Becca. "Are you kidding? Michael is the last person I would ever—oh my god. I wouldn't go out with him if someone paid me. Ugh, that's just—""You know I can hear you, right?" called Michael.”

“Mom is talking to Jack. "I hear you're interested in zoo animals."I snort. There's a sentence you don't hear too often. I fake an insulted sigh."Well, thank-you, Mother. Yes, I'm hungry, but you don't have to be so honest about it. Your tact is amazing.”

“Mom," said Peter, "nobody thinks you're a lackwit, if that's what you're worried about."Lackwit? In what musty drawer of some dead English professor's dust-covered desk did you find that word? I assure you that never in my worst nightmares did I ever suppose that I was a lackwit.”