“If I was the pope, I'd've made Mrs. de Roo a saint. On the spot.”
“You are absolute angels of the first order. If I were Pope, I’d canonize you.” “The Pope would probably love to turn a cannon on you!”
“Soon a whole guild of low-priced shrine keepers around Europe named their own pope - Boldface the Relatively Shameless, Discount Pope of Prague. The price war was on [...] The Retail Pope would offer cheesy bacon toppings on the Host with communion and the Discount Pope would counter with topless nun night for midnight mass.”
“I thank God daily for the good fortune of my birth, for I am certain I would have made a miserable peasant.”
“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”