“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.”

“Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one”

“Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.”

“After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.”

“There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.”

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.”

“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”