“WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE?!? OH MY GOD, DID YOU SEE THE ARTICLE? I AM FREAKING OUT, WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE?!? Please call me, I’m starting to act like Tizzy around here. It’s getting ugly. Oh, hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cuttler, in case you get this first. Everything’s fine, I’m just trying to get ahold of Audrey. Okay, bye. AUDREY, CALL ME BEFORE I HAVE TO RESORT TO SKYWRITING”

“You have to turn it up so that your chest shakes and the drums get in between your ribs like a heartbeat and the bass goes up your spine and fizzles your brain and all you can do is dance or spin in a circle or just scream along because you know that however this music makes you feel, it’s exactly right.”

“I told him that my cat was on fire and he didn’t even hear me! On fire, Victoria! And he didn’t care!”“Aud, that is so fucking twisted that I don’t even know where to start.”“Okay, I know, but it had to be drastic.”“That’s not drastic, that’s sadistic. You’ve got your –tics mixed up.”“Will you please focus on the issue at hand? Evan doesn’t listen to what I’m saying!”“And this is news?”“Should I break up with him?”“Do you want to break up with him?”“I don’t know. Distract me from feeling miserable.”“Umm… ummm… I got new shoes.”“Woo.”“Wanna come over and try them on?”“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Get over here and talk to her. She’s a reporter, not a Dementor.”“Harry Potter nerd.”“Whatever. Take the damn phone.”

“I liked James and James liked me and we both knew it and if you think about it, that's like a miracle. A real miracle. Everyone says that babies are miracles, and don't get me wrong, I love cute little pudgy babies, but if you think about it, me having a baby right now would not be a miracle. At all. But finding someone that gets me? That's the real work. That's where the miracles are.”

“Hey, it’s-!”“Who? Oh. Oh.”“Shut up.”“I haven’t said anything yet!”“Don’t.”“How can I shut up if I haven’t said anything?”“I know you. You’ve got a monologue coming up.”

“Hello. Audrey’s phone. She’s currently suiting up for a soul-deadening hourly job that provides no benefits, how may I help you?”