“Awesome. I was a jealous lunatic...and I wasn't alone. Touchdown!”

“All I could think about was throwing something at her— something made of glass. Or spikes. Or a viral disease. They really should invent Herpes In A Jar for moments like these”

“Kiss the scumbag!”

“The neck massage: signature move of a Professional Boyfriend.”

“Guys don't know the power we hold over them with the right tint of lip gloss.”

“Men are scumbags until they prove they're women.”

“With the knowledge of her aloneness came a rush of self-declaration: I will not be nothing.”