“I dream in tunnel vision, I think. I remember in tunnel vision, I think. The question remains, when my tunnel vision goes, as it will very soon, what will I remember seeing? How will I remember?All I can do is write it down and keep writing. How else can I hold this picture, this life, or this face together? The view from here is of a boy with a softball, ready to let it go. His is an ironic gift from the past, as if the young me is aiming at the old, saying, "Here, buddy, let me help you with that." I wanted to let the ball fly at my lens, whatever was left of it.”

“Jack,do me a favor?" I said."Anything,Becks.""Don't let go of my hand. And if the Tunnels come for me,don't let go until the last moment.""If the Tunnels come for you,I'll hold on, and they won't be able to take you."I smiled at the sentiment, even though I knew that no one would be able to hold on.”

“It’s like he has these moments where he just captures me in his snare and I can’t see around me. Tunnel vision. I’ll call it the Ian tunnel effect since it hinders me at the greatest of moments when I should be focused elsewhere.”

“I was suddenly very aware of the fact it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face. Not caring if I saw downtown. Not even thinking about it. Because I was standing in the tunnel. And I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite.”

“and let me remember that my courage is a wild dog; it won’t just come when I call it, I have to chase it down and hold on as tight as I can.”

“I was dying, of course, but then we all are. Every day, in perfect increments, I was dying of loss.The only help for my condition, then as now, is that I refused to let go of what I loved. I wrote everything down, at first in choppy fragments; a sentence here, a few words there, it was the most I could handle at the time. Later I wrote more, my grief muffled but not eased by the passage of time.When I go back over my writing now I can barely read it. The happiness is the worst. Some days I can't bring myself to remember. But I will not relinquish a single detail of the past. What remains of my life depends on what happened six years ago.In my brain, in my limbs, in my dreams, it is still happening.”