“If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.”

“There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.”

“It is a wondrous human characteristic to be able to slip into and out of idiocy many times a day without noticing the change or accidentally killing innocent bystanders in the process.”

“The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.”

“Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.”

“The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.”

“Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally”