“For the record, do I know anyone not a demon or a freak?” – Nick“Yes, you do. Not sure if Bubba and Mark go into the latter or not, though. I’m too tired to mentally categorize them. You figure it out, and I’ll go with your Dewey decimal.” – Caleb”

“Now, if I could get Mark to put down his phone and stop taking breaks, we’d be able to finish up before Oprah comes on.” – Bubba“Bubba, what are you going to do when they cancel her show?” – Caleb“Shut your mouth, boy. That’s sacrilege in this store. You talk like that, and I’ll toss you through the window like an old-timey hobo in a Western.” – Bubba”

“Fine. You win. I quit. You two deal with this. I’m going home. Packing up all my personal items, and when you, Caleb, end up dead because the coach has your jockstrap or something else I didn’t steal but someone else did, don’t call me. I’m done and I’m going to hide in a bunker until all of this is over with.” – Nick“I hate you, Nick.” – Caleb“Feels mutual, Demon.” – Nick”

“But it was for your own good.” – Nick“So’s the spanking I’m about to give you.” – Cherise“I’m too big to spank.” – Nick“Fine, you’re grounded until your grandkids are old.” – Cherise“Kind of hard to do. How am I supposed to have grandkids if I’m grounded?” – Nick“Precisely my point, you demon spawn. You’re never going to get off restriction.” – Cherise”

“Are you sure I can’t catch it? (Nick)I’m positive. Believe me, I know my zombies. (Bubba)(Nick scoffed.) ‘Is it just me or is that like saying I know my elves and fairies?’ (Nick)”

“We’ve got to get these guys to Bubba’s. Anyone got a clue how to do it? (Nick)They gotta be breathing? (Simi)Yes. (Nick and Caleb)Well, pooh. That just takes all the fun out of it. (Simi)”

“One of you guys is going to have to feed the vampiric lawyer some blood and it can’t be me. (Caleb)Why? You afraid of a little bite?I’m anemic. (Nick)And I’m Catholic. Doesn’t that knock me out of the running? (Nick)”