“i busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”

“99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.”

“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”

“I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”

“I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”

“I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.”

“My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”