“Biers was where the undead drank. And when Igor the barman was asked for a Bloody Mary, he didn't mix a metaphor.”

“Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled.”

“The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip.”

“A man of power and responsibility nevertheless needs somebody to tell him when he is being a bloody fool.”

“Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!”

“the whole point of the wish business was to see to it that what the client got was exactly what he asked for and exactly what he didn't really want.”

“I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and the wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!”