“I would like to apologize to the relatives of the fan who gave me 29 books to sign in Odyssey 7, Manchester. I'm a little twitchy towards the end of a day of signing and did not mean to kill and eat him.”

“Any true wizard, faced with a sign like 'Do not open this door. Really. We mean it. We're not kidding. Opening this door will mean the end of the universe,' would automatically open the door in order to see what all the fuss is about. This made signs rather a waste of time, but at least it meant that when you handed what was left of the wizard to his grieving relatives you could say, as they grasped the jar, 'We told him not to.”

“He loved children and used to dandle me on his knee. This was how the title came about for this book, Uncle Hitler, although in the old German tradition, I called him Uncle Adolf, even though I was not related to him. This was a sign of respect to an older person, which is why I called Frau Eva ‘Aunty Eva’.However, little did I know at that time what revulsion the name Adolf Hitler would eventually invoke in the decent conscience of the world.”

“CUSTOMER: Oh, look, these books are all signed. (Pause) I wonder who signed them ?”

“I really enjoyed hearing the likesand dislikesof my readers at book clubs as well as meeting new fans at the book signing at The Bookworm in Omaha " he said. "The book clubs have overwhelmingly asked me to hurry up on writing the sequel.”

“You see, unlike in the movies, there is no THE END sign flashing at the end of books. When I've read a book, I don't feel like I've finished anything. So I start a new one.”