“Sometimes words need music too. Sometimes the descriptions are not enough. Books should be written with soundtracks, like films.”

“Sometimes Carrot sounded like a civics essay written by a stunned choirboy.”

“This book was written using 100% recycled words.”

“Books must be treated with respect, we feel that in our bones, because words have power. Bring enough words together they can bend space and time.”

“He'd noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination - but at the end of the day they'd settle quite happily for egg and chips. If it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.”

“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men.”

“It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory.”