“There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.”

“At any rate it seems unlikely that there is any truth in the rumour as I have just this moment invented it.”

“And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence”

“I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumours to my dogs.”

“I love you" I said, causing his face to contort in pain." I'm not a man so I do not have a heart that loves as a human does. I'm an immortal god that dwells with supreme power because I hold the keys to death. But you are my existence. I am yours.”

“...have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show. Any God I ever felt in church I brought in with me. And I think all the other folks did too. They come to church to share God, not find God.”