“…We were born vampires.""I thought you became –""— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat… now what is it you eat? Oh yes, chocolate… you don’t want to turn it into another Agnes Nitt, do you? Less chocolate to go around."He sighed. "Oh dear, superstition, superstition everywhere we turn.”

“What can you do?" he asked.It took me a few seconds to catch up to Daddy's question. He was asking about my snazzy new vampire powers, not expressing helplessness about my being turned by a guy with "shoves trees on people" tendencies."Oh, um, a lot of stuff, except, you know, eat solid food and go outside during the day, " I said. "Even my pot pie?" Mama cried. Yes, because in this situation, pot pie was what we should be focusing on.”

“Myth: Vampires eat only raw meat or drink blood.Truth: Why would we do that when there's chocolate in the world?”

“Oh, dear me, no. Then I should be known as that vampire with all the cats.”

“Also, vampires don't eat food. You never get to eat chocolate again. Ever. I'd rather die.”

“She turned to him, her cheeks burning red. “What is this? Vampire porn?” “Yep.” “Oh, and this is a good one. Muffy the Vampire Layer.”